I’ll never forget my experience in parenting my resistant son, Ethan, when he was 12 years old. He must have felt especially stubborn that day when he asked me if he could go somewhere with his friend.  “Sure, go ahead,” I said, “as soon as you’ve completed your half hour of violin practice.”

Ethan loved taking violin lessons.  He had begun to study the instrument three years earlier.  His teacher constantly remarked about his innate talent, yet he strongly disliked the discipline of practicing.  “I’ll practice after I get back, Mom, I promise!” 

“Practice first,” I replied, knowing how well practicing-after-I-get-back had worked in the past.

Then came the onslaught.  Like a battering ram, Ethan pounded me with pleas, promises, arguments and excuses. He drew from his arsenal every weapon he could think of to try to convince me I should let him go with his friend NOW.  He would argue, leave the room for a few minutes, and then return with renewed combative energy.

I don’t need to tell parents how wearing this can be!  Like a brick wall, I held firm and repeated, over and over, the boundary I had set.  With the time he spent arguing with me, Ethan could have practiced twice!

In what became his final attempt, he came back into the room where I worked and loudly demanded, “But Mom, WHY do I have to practice?!”

Our schools and families don’t guide us about how to parent effectively.  However, when we face tough challenges with parenting a resistant child, we have our own IGS (Inner Guidance System) that can assist us in valuable ways.  It amazes me what kinds of golden responses can come out of parent’s mouths when we tap into our IGS.

It seemed magical when, in response to Ethan’s question, five words came instantly to my mind and practically spoke themselves:  “Because it’s in your blood.”

Ethan stood silently for a moment, then turned and left the room.  Soon the strains of violin music floated to my ears.  Half an hour later, on his way to join his friend, Ethan stuck his head in the door. “You were right, Mom,” he told me.  “It is in my blood!”

The voice from our IGS arrives unannounced. We can’t plan for it or try to figure it out ahead of time. Because I stayed curious about and present to Ethan’s process, my mind wasn’t noisy trying to figure out a punishment. Through the inward silence, my IGS delivered the perfect response, not a moment too soon or too late.

How do we stay present to that quiet, yet profound, inner voice? 

I share with you the following three practices. Engaging in them throughout the day has developed and strengthened my ability to stay Present, not just in parenting a resistant child, but whenever I need to plug into my Inner Guidance System.

 1- Breathe

Several times a day, stop whatever you’re doing and pay attention to the feeling of the breath entering and leaving the body.

2- Sense your surroundings

Focus on the environment – what you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell.  Without judging anything, enter deeply through the senses into what you experience right now.

3- Feel the body’s inner energy

The easiest place to start is with the hands.  Focusing there, you can usually feel a warm or tingling sensation — the buzz of the unseen energy field.  Getting the sense of energy in the hands, you can then begin to feel it in the entire body. You can even feel the energy of emotions and how they reverberate in the body.

These three practices set you up to hear Wisdom when she speaks. Engaging in them, it’s impossible to become lost in thoughts about the past or the future.  You remain present to the wisdom and guidance that speaks only into this moment.

“Because it’s in your blood” came from a place beyond my mind’s wisdom.  The higher Wisdom in me had called forth the higher Wisdom in Ethan, and it resonated with his deepest truth.  As an adult, Ethan now plays violin professionally in the Chicago music scene.

I love to practice the focused, disciplined effort it takes to expand my Presence awareness.  

It’s in my blood!