When my three sons were young, my life felt like a tornado.  Every day, a whirlwind of activity engulfed me from morning to night. I felt exhausted much of the time, and the phrase “time for me” didn’t exist in my vocabulary.

As young girls, many of us women internalized the societal message that we must take care of others.  My mother modeled that for me.  She also modeled resentment and anger as she lived her life according to others’ expectations.  I don’t recall her giving herself gifts of rest and relaxation.    

As we assume the care-taker role, by the time we’re moms, we’ve left ourselves out of the equation so often, we forget how to be our own caretakers!

Benefits of caring for ourselves

If we find ourselves often becoming short with our children or grandchildren, we aren’t getting enough time for ourselves.  Taking time to play and do what we love renews our energy.  We improve our disposition and actually accomplish more when we take breaks to recharge our battery. 

When I started school part-time for my doctorate, my middle son, Ethan (then 10 years old), confided in me, “Mommy, I don’t want you to go to school.”   I told him I would actually be a better mom to him because I was doing something for myself.  (If I practiced then what I would do now, I would have explored his feelings before answering. Then I would have been sure to address his concern.)

If we put all of our time and energy into doing for others, what are we modeling for our children and grandchildren?   They get the message that our own comfort and happiness don’t count as much as that of others. When we model balance for them, they learn balance for themselves.  If we include relaxation in our lives, we give them permission to grow up with relaxation as a priority for themselves. 

How to care for ourselves

When I caught on that I needed time for me, my husband and I planned weekly date nights.  We took a weekend away every so often.  My mom friends and I traded child care so we could each take half a day for personal projects.  Once I went camping — with my dog as my only companion — for an entire weekend.

Our well-being as women depends upon our refusal to believe the lie that we’re powerless to make changes for ourselves.   According to Marianne Williamson, “We are powerful beyond measure… There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine as children do.”  

People honor us every Mother’s Day. Why not make a pact with ourselves to make every day Mother’s Day?  Then we get to honor ourselves over the long haul.  We can take mini vacations – even for just a moment a few times a day – to do something that makes our heart sing.  It can be as simple as admiring a peaceful sky or flower bouquet or running around the block.

When we do so, we tame the tornadoes of life into occasional gusts and dust devils. 

It’s up to us to make self-care and relaxation happen. No one else will do it for us; we get to do it for ourselves!