Christmas cactus 2020

It’s the Christmas holiday in 2020, and I watch in disappointment as newly formed buds fall off my Christmas cactus.  They remind me, with sadness, of the “pearls of wisdom and encouragement” I try all year to publish on my blog page.  Like those buds on my Christmas cactus, each writing attempt dries up and drops away.

Through 2020, as the world and my writing shut down, my energy turns inward.  Written words limit themselves to my journal, which receives the fears and doubts echoing off the walls of my mind:

“Oh no, you’ve lost your creative spark!”  “Whatever made you think your writing impacts people?”  “Your lack of production has caused you to lose credibility with your audience.”  “The Muse has abandoned you!” 

As I observe feelings of near-terror tumbling me around and around in my limiting belief patterns, I recognize those patterns for what they are:  the ‘little me’ pulling me into fear.  It tries to convince me to play small, to shrink, to hide my Light.  Like the potential blooms on my Christmas cactus, instead of blossoming, I see how I have remained tightly rolled up in a bud that shriveled and couldn’t hold on.   

Christmas cactus 2021

Blossoms appear!  Even if no one can detect it outwardly, the blossoms signal how my journaling and inward exploration have perhaps brought about an inward shift.   

You see, my exploring had revealed a familiar pattern:  distracting myself from taking the actions necessary to put my gifts out into the world.  My inner life – feelings, thoughts, creative thinking – always seems SO much more interesting!  I would much rather sit and journal about the inner stuff than take the damn action!

My 2021 Christmas cactus whispers positive visions about what’s coming.  It laughs itself into lots of little red buds that open into lovely flowers. 

Christmas cactus 2022

In this next week, I will re-pot my Christmas cactus.  Therefore, by Christmas 2022, it should be large and lush, bursting with blossoms. 

I am also planting myself in the fresh soil of consistent action.  I commit to fertilize and water the seeds/words I plant, and to put them in the sunlight of the world’s gaze. 

My Christmas cactus is a teacher for me.  It doesn’t get all hung up on others’ opinions of its blooms.   I imagine it’s happy to present its gifts to the world without attachment to that world’s judgments. 

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If you hesitate to give your gifts—if other people’s opinions scare you—take the risk anyway.  When we step into action, we raise our vibration.  Fear recedes into the background.  We drop rigidity and paralysis, becoming pliable and bendable. The breezes of Spirit can now move us in accordance with its will and guidance.

You are a gift to the world with something valuable to offer.   

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful

than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

That day for me, has arrived.  It’s here for you, too.